RIP "Two and a Half Men" Charlie Harper's Death -- "MEAT Explosion"

TMZ has done more recon and has gotten the real lowdown on HOW Charlie Harper died -- and it isn't pretty.

Sources at Friday night's taping tell us ... Harper married Rose -- the neighbor/stalker he flew to Paris with last season -- but things went downhill quickly when she found him in the shower with another woman.

In the episode, we're told Rose speaks at the funeral and recounts what happened to Charlie ... saying the day after the shower incident she and Charlie were waiting for a Paris subway when Charlie "slipped" and the subway literally blew him apart in a "meat explosion."

The strong inclination was that Rose pushed him and got away with it.

It seems Chuck Lorre couldn't take his aggressions out on Charlie Sheen, but he did the next best thing by taking it out on Charlie Harper.

"Two and a Half Men" 'Charlie' is Dead and NEVER Coming Back

The season premiere of "Two and a Half Men" will leave NO DOUBT -- Charlie Sheen's character is dead and gone ... for good.

TMZ has spoken with sources on set for last night's taping of the premiere. Now, we don't want to be douche bags and give it all away -- so we'll just say that in one brilliantly written scene, the producers make sure there's absolutely no way for 'Charlie Harper' to return to the show in the future.

Although ... he definitely leaves his mark on the episode.

As for Ashton Kutcher's debut -- we're told he and Jon Cryer had good chemistry ... and he went out of his way to interact with the audience. At one point Ashton even snuck into the crowd and surprised a woman with a back rub.

At least one audience member said Ashton seemed dry and didn't quite own the character. Can't please 'em all.


Oh, and our spies didn't spot Demi Moore or Chuck Lorre -- but it's a good bet Chuck was there to finally say sayonara to Charlie Sheen Charlie Harper.

Charlie Sheen I'm Gonna Watch My Own Funeral

Charlie Sheen hasn't just come to terms with his death on "Two and a Half Men" -- the actor tells TMZ, he'll be CELEBRATING it ... with his very own at-home screening of Charlie Harper's funeral next month.

The Warlock tells us, “I will be watching my fake funeral, attended by my fake ex-girlfriends, from my very, very real movie theater, with my very real hotties in tow."

As we previously reported, the new season of "Men" kicks of on September 19th with Charlie Harper's requiem -- and every memorable chick Harper ever banged on the show will be attending.

Still winning.

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